A long journey back
I was diagnosed in 2006 at the age of 48 with Bipolar II Disorder. After that, the City of Portland provided me, among about 30 women in our homeless shelter, with a housing case manager in a trial program that helped us get out of the shelter and into transitional housing. From there I got into subsidized disability housing. That ended 7 years of bouncing in and out of homeless shelters. But once upon a time I led a busy and fulfilling life. At one time, despite my acute fear of heights, I was a flight attendant in the airline industry for a few years. Later, I became involved in social justice issues in my community. In 1996, I was elected to the board of directors of the Boulder chapter of the ACLU in Boulder, Colorado, and from there I was elected as representative to the state affiliate board in Denver. In 1997, I was an also-ran candidate for Boulder City Council. But in 1998, my husband died unexpectedly and I went over an edge I didn't know was there, and I've only recently come back.
I lost my job in a financial advisor's office the following year due to what I now know was hypo-mania. I spiraled down into homelessness. At one point, I panhandled for a living in the same city I ran for city council in. I had another low point when I lived in a homeless shelter here in Portland, Oregon. It was the fall of the year and someone stole my coat, so I wore a warm bathrobe that someone else gave me to replace it. I remember I came across a grocery cart abandoned on a sidewalk downtown. I put my heavy backpack in it and pushed it around. It seemed to make sense at the time. I had a police contact that day. It surprised me how diplomatic and kind the officer was. I'd had police contacts before in Boulder, though usually it was because I panhandled, a generally discouraged activity. I was lucky, they never arrested me. I always felt menaced by the police, but not this time. In retrospect, I understand now that what this officer saw was clearly a very mentally ill individual. I thought I suffered from poverty, but I suffered from mental illness. It wasn't until suicide threatened me that I finally got a diagnosis of bipolar, and then got into housing and off the street.
I then spent 7 years drugged out of my mind on bipolar medications. Once they had me drugged, I became very compliant and couldn't question or investigate alternatives. They completely took away my will and drive to know. I gained a hundred pounds from the medications in 2 years. Most bipolar patients are obese and have diabetes, metabolic disorder and heart disease caused by the medications. With what little will I could muster, I fought against the weight gain restricting carbs to 20-30 grams, and calories to 1100-1300 a day, no sugar, no grains, and I lost a hundred pounds slowly over the next 5 years. I was determined not to get diabetes, but my blood glucose got worse every year anyway. I didn't know that the medications damage pancreatic cells and cause diabetes even if you don't gain weight.
Eventually, my doctor sent me to counseling and my counselor actually referred me to a naturopathic college that saw clients. I found I couldn't afford the consulting fees, but I thought, wow, you can treat this naturally? I found information on the internet. I started tapering slowly off my meds, it took 2 years. In my internet research on the side effects and withdrawals from my drugs, I found out that anti-psychotics actually shrink your brain. Post-mortem studies on bipolar patients on anti-psychotics like Abilify and Seroquel, the fifth and sixth most prescribed medications in the US, showed that brain volume was decreased by an average of 3% per year of use, and bipolar patients lost an average of 13-16 years of longevity. The losses were in both gray and white brain matter, neurons, axons, and dendrites. I had been on anti-psychotics for 7 years. I took an internet IQ test. In my prior experience, I had found that some of them were pretty accurate, testing to within 2 points of my known IQ. I took another IQ test and another, not believing the results. I had lost 21 points off my IQ. Fortunately, I had some to spare, but a new quest was born. I wanted to get my brain back. I've successfully been off bipolar medication since July of this year, following a protocol of amino acids, vitamins, Omega 3's, healthy diet and exercise. I've lost 15 more pounds, and I have about 40 more to go. I'm struggling to get my blood glucose down below 90 mg/dl, neurogenesis can't proceed in the presence of high glucose. I intend to lose weight, get healthy, grow my brain back, regain my lost IQ, save my life, and write an ebook about how I did it to help other bipolar people get off killer medications and get their health and life back.
I could use all the advice I can get on how to bring my blood glucose down, and how to increase my brain volume. I'm sure being a part of this community can be of great benefit to me, and I can offer benefit to this community. Thank you for bearing with my long-winded story.
Tara
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