Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: Improving Communication Skills

  1. #1
    Veteran Member Katee's Avatar
    Join Date
    30th September 2007
    Location
    Big Bear, CA (tiny town in the mountains)
    Posts
    1,247

    Default Improving Communication Skills

    I still read Natural News if i see a topic that interests me. I had stopped referring people to this site because the style of writing tended to be sensational, which by default tends to make many people disregard/mistrust the source. Maybe i'm being more selective in what i read from there these days, because i don't seem to come across that as much. Regardless, i thought this article an excellent on for those of us who struggle with communication issues.

    Katee


    A counter-intuitive strategy for long-term relationship success

    Saturday, September 10, 2011 by: Mike Bundrant

    Buried within NLP principles lies a strategy that virtually guarantees a dramatic increase in the success of any long-term relationship. It's so powerful when applied that obstacles and communication issues between people melt away within seconds.

    Before we get into how it works, you may be wondering if this strategy is so fabulous, why haven't you already heard of it? Two reasons: 1) the stellar mental health systems of the world tend to overlook the most effective stuff because they'd rather promote prescription drug therapy (even for relationship issues) and 2) applying this particular strategy requires more emotional maturity than many people currently enjoy. However, it's totally appropriate for readers of Natural News.

    Read the rest here:

    A counter-intuitive strategy for long-term relationship success

  2. #2
    Administrator Islander's Avatar
    Join Date
    16th September 2007
    Location
    Maine, USA. The way life should be.
    Posts
    18,114

    Default Re: Improving Communication Skills

    So along comes Islander with the assertion that many of his statements are deeply flawed, and his advice, while well-meant, is naive.

    Among the flaws, let's look at a couple of examples:
    "1) the stellar mental health systems of the world tend to overlook the most effective stuff because they'd rather promote prescription drug therapy (even for relationship issues." This is the kind of glib, self-serving statement characteristic of what NN prints. Because their agenda is emphatically anti-pharma, everything must be subordinated to that agenda, right or wrong. Having been deeply involved with the mental health industry, including relationship counseling and "couples therapy," I can say flatly that this is untrue. DBT (Dialetic Behavioral Therapy) is just one common example of an effective approach to "creating a new reality" without the use of drugs.

    "2) applying this particular strategy requires more emotional maturity than many people currently enjoy. However, it's totally appropriate for readers of Natural News."
    I had to laugh out loud at that. The emotional maturity of NN readers is at about the 12-y-o level. Read the comments (does he still allow comments?) to get a flavor of their emotional maturity level.

    Later he says, "
    Behind (nearly) every behavior is a positive intention." Another LOL. If this author has never heard of passive-agressive behavior, he doesn't have the credentials to be talking about NLP as if he knew anything about psychotherapy.

    I agree that oral communication skills are teachable, and that people can learn to frame statements in a positive manner to get a positive response. I can even see what he's driving at when he discusses the outcome of a supposedly well-meant statement. But a simpler and more rational approach to more effective oral communication might be the Zen-like advice to "be here now," i.e. give conscious thought to the moment, the actors, and the situation in order to arrive at the most positive outcome.




    ➤ Happiness is the frosting on the cake of contentment.

  3. #3
    Veteran Member Katee's Avatar
    Join Date
    30th September 2007
    Location
    Big Bear, CA (tiny town in the mountains)
    Posts
    1,247

    Default Re: Improving Communication Skills

    Islander, i do not deny any of what you say is true. But i can't edit this article to reflect what i want it to say.

    I will admit that i tend to be narcissistic in my communications. My feelings get hurt easily, and i'm disappointed when folks don't seem to respond to what i feel to be my brilliant thoughts!

    I know the world does NOT revolve around me (and am thankful this is so), but i still struggle with the communication thing.

    For me this article, in spite of its flaws, was a good reminder that most people don't mean to overlook me, or to hurt my feelings. I don't deny that there are folks who are more cruel than what he says, and resort to jealous or passive-aggressive communications meant to hurt or manipulate. But i am fortunate in my life, to have a minimum of these type of folks or communication (as opposed to the past where i had a number of them, especially in the work place).

    I needed a reminder that in general, most people with whom i interact are not trying to hurt my feelings, and that a good barometer for whether i'm communicating clearly is how the person responds to what i am saying.


  4. #4
    Veteran Member Reesacat's Avatar
    Join Date
    24th September 2007
    Location
    West Virginia
    Posts
    7,112

    Default Re: Improving Communication Skills

    Good talk therapists are getting harder to find from what several people have told me.

    I do think Mr. Bundrant's approach is a bit simplistic, and would be aware of unsafe people in your life if you decide to follow his advice.
    However, with someone you love and who is safe to be around it is a good reminder to listen to their response to see if you are communicating clearly.

  5. #5
    Administrator Islander's Avatar
    Join Date
    16th September 2007
    Location
    Maine, USA. The way life should be.
    Posts
    18,114

    Default Re: Improving Communication Skills

    Katee and Reesacat, my viewpoint is undoubtedly skewed by the kinds of clients/victims I have worked with. As Reesacat says, the dynamics are totally different with someone you are on intimate terms with and can trust. But the rest of the big wide mean nasty world is just not like that, and as Katee says, people can often be both cruel and insensitive to the response they evoke. In other words, Bundrant's advice works in close-knit situations but I sure wouldn't take it into the business sphere — or anywhere outside the home.
    ➤ Happiness is the frosting on the cake of contentment.

  6. #6
    Veteran Member Reesacat's Avatar
    Join Date
    24th September 2007
    Location
    West Virginia
    Posts
    7,112

    Default Re: Improving Communication Skills

    Quote Originally Posted by Islander View Post
    In other words, Bundrant's advice works in close-knit situations but I sure wouldn't take it into the business sphere — or anywhere outside the home.
    I agree and think that is good advice if you are going to do what he suggests.

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    25th July 2011
    Posts
    199

    Default Re: Improving Communication Skills

    Islander, are you a therapist?

  8. #8
    Administrator Islander's Avatar
    Join Date
    16th September 2007
    Location
    Maine, USA. The way life should be.
    Posts
    18,114

    Default Re: Improving Communication Skills

    A retired therapist...and retired horticulturist, educator and a handful of other stuff. Still an active farmer & gardener!
    ➤ Happiness is the frosting on the cake of contentment.

  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    25th July 2011
    Posts
    199

    Default Re: Improving Communication Skills

    So what would you advise for reversing #2, empowering the one who has much to say, but needs to communicate without frustration?

  10. #10
    Administrator Islander's Avatar
    Join Date
    16th September 2007
    Location
    Maine, USA. The way life should be.
    Posts
    18,114

    Default Re: Improving Communication Skills

    Good-day, I don't think there's a one-fits-all piece of advice on how to communicate effectively. Getting back to my "be here now" advice, communication is facilitated when both parties are aware of facial expressions and body language, which keys them in to how the message is being received. A "closed" position, e.g. crossed arms and legs, stiff posture, indicates a resistance to hear what is being said; conversely, a body that is physically more "open" and leaning forward, making eye contact, indicates interest and receptivity. If you see that the listener is closing himself off, you need immediately to re-assess the manner in which you're presenting the message. How are you framing it? Are you making accusations? conveying innuendo? placing blame?

    You can re-frame your statements in a way that doesn't put the other in a defensive posture. Instead of saying, "You make me feel like a failure," which places blame on the other, you might say, "I feel like I can never measure up to your standards," which shifts the burden back to you and leaves the other open to making positive suggestions. Instead of, "You're making me really angry," try, "I feel uneasy when you raise your voice to me." It comes back to "be here now" again, that is, BE IN THE MOMENT. Consider the words you choose and how they will be interpreted by the other. Be conscious of how each party is reacting to what the other has said. With a little forethought, it is possible to remove the emotional baggage from the message so that it is interpreted in the way you intended. Surprisingly, this is easier in oral conversations where misunderstandings can be immediately corrected, than in, say, e-mail (or any written communication) where the non-verbal communication tools we normally use (tone of voice, volume, facial expression, gesture, winks, eye rolls, grimaces, gestures, etc. etc.) are not available. And don't even get me started on auto-correct!

    Unless you can be more specific, I think that's all I have to offer right now.
    ➤ Happiness is the frosting on the cake of contentment.

  11. #11
    Veteran Member LabDoc's Avatar
    Join Date
    22nd September 2010
    Location
    Vicroria, Australia
    Posts
    502

    Default Re: Improving Communication Skills

    Islander; those four beautiful words BE IN THE MOMENT. If more of us practised Mindfulness Meditation then communication skills would just come naturally. Does Jon Kabat-Zinn ring any bells ?

  12. #12
    Veteran Member Reesacat's Avatar
    Join Date
    24th September 2007
    Location
    West Virginia
    Posts
    7,112

    Default Re: Improving Communication Skills

    Keep it simple and very easy to understand.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. How a Pet Can Sharpen Mindfulness Skills
    By mellowsong in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 07-26-11, 03:41 PM
  2. Communication Needed to Foster Vaccine Acceptance
    By mellowsong in forum Vaccines
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 06-12-11, 01:15 AM
  3. We've had a break through in communication! :)
    By Katee in forum Other Health Concerns
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 08-21-10, 01:39 AM
  4. Nutrient mix shows promise in improving memory
    By Islander in forum Alzheimer's Disease
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 01-10-10, 04:59 PM
  5. Common Medications Cause Elderly to Lose Thinking Skills
    By Islander in forum Prescription Medications
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 10-22-08, 08:20 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
<<<<<<<< Your Customized Value <<<<<<<<